Anonymous said: Dear [whoever u want]
Dear person I’m jealous of,
Your white-Hispanic good looks and high school intelligence have carried you four years into college where therapy and introspection carried me the same distance. I ridicule you over wine with friends, and even my hirsute endowment pales by comparison with your locks.
You’ve been snared by social inertia, though. What introspection has done for me has left you the butt of jokes about your “meditative mucus extermination” and co-opted “chakras,” whitewashed in your suburban, wannabe Ivy hands.
My best friend Jess, and my protege, her little sister Toa, wrote this more honest version of Twilight: New Moon a few years ago. It is perfect, and they are perfect. Please read it. There are celebrity cameos.
Scene 1: Happy Birthday, you annoying bitc—uh, I mean, Bella.
It is a beautiful cloudy day in America’s favorite town, Forks, Washington. Infamous Vampire/Human couple, young, teenaged, painfully cliché lovers Edward and Bella meet up at school. Everyone has gotten used to their obnoxious presence, that not even her friends stare nosily at Edward anymore, and neither does Edward’s family, to Bella. In fact, they have grown to love her, despite the fact that they would much rather eat her.
If Daenerys and Margaery were ever to meet, do you think that they woud get along or would there be some tension between them?