my friend who snorts cocaine won’t eat cookie dough because it’s bad for you
i’m frequently visited by three spirits at night
- the ghost of i fucked up
- the ghost of i’m currently fucking up
- and the ghost of i’m probably going to fuck up in the future
- family: why won't you come with us?
- me: there must always be a stark at winterfell
it’s a metaphor
The best part is that the crab is the symbol for the zodiac sign Cancer, so in a way even the crab itself is a metaphor
The Fault in our (Lob)Stars
everyone in the world is named kevin
my name is zach
just give it up stop lying to yourself we all know your name is kevin
Woman gets back at online dating creeps by drawing them with tiny penises and posting to Instagram.
“Objectifying men who objectify women in 3 easy steps:Man sends crude line via internet. Draw him naked. Send portrait to lucky man, enjoy results.”